How it Should Be
by Sk8erGrl
Summary: Set at the end of How a Resurrection Really Feels. What if Lucas didn't go after Brooke to tell her he loved her? [LucasPeyton]
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note/Disclaimer:** This story is dedicated to my darling Ashlyn, who inspired me to write this re-write of the end of the episode. It's not going to be very long, just one or two parts really. Also, unfortunately, I don't own anything regarding the show otherwise I would've saved us all from BL at the end of the episode. Mark and the WB own everything.

**How it Should Be**

_Should you be with Lucas instead of Brooke?_

**_She_** doesn't know where the thought came from. It seemed to spring up out of nowhere and just grab her. Other than all the stuff about Ellie, it's that comment that stuck with her the most. Not the ones about Jake just using her to get in her pants, none of that. Was it because she spent a summer with Lucas, completely platonic and she's started wondering about what could've happen if the two of them had just put aside their differences. If he'd never gotten with Brooke to begin with.

Finally, after sitting and just thinking about everything "bitchy Peyton" had said to her, she woke up and went in search of Ellie's bracelet again. How was she supposed to find it if she doesn't remember where she put it to begin with. She's on the verge of a breakdown, and the only thing she can think to do is reach out and pick up the phone. The one person who's been there with her through all of this, who no matter what knows how she feels about this situation and who might just be able to help her solve more than just one question that's come up in her mind.

"Hey, Luke," when he answers her heart flutters and she tucks her hair behind her ear, sitting on her bed and staring at one of her drawings from back when she was confused and angry and falling hard for Lucas Scott, "I need your help."

**_Lucas_** Scott stood at his door looking at Brooke. His heart breaks a little for her, standing there as she throws a box of letters she wrote to him over the summer into his arms. He wants to brush away the tears on her cheek and tell her that it's all right, but anger consumes him every time the thought enters her mind. No matter how hard he tries not to, every time he looks at her, he sees the fact that she slept with Chris Keller, and not in the literal sense of the word.

"Brooke…" he cuts her off mid-sentence, but she keeps speaking. Everyone keeps telling him to forgive her, that she just made a mistake. One he knows that not too long ago he made too, sleeping with Nikki. He had been in love with Peyton then, not Brooke whom he had so easily managed to turn his back on the minute he found himself opening up to Peyton again. The second he looked upon her and felt himself overwhelmed with love.

As Brooke runs off, Lucas can do nothing. Why should he forgive her for something she had been so adamant to hate him for? Why should he go after her when she had broken his heart? Was his heart even broken though? He closes the door and looks at the sad look on Peyton Sawyer's face as she watches him carefully from the edge of his bed where she sits.

"Brooke means well," Peyton puts in, "She loves you Luke."

"Funny way of telling me," he grumbles, walking back over to her, "Sleeping with Chris Keller just screams "I love you Lucas"."

"She's afraid, after what happened last time…" Suddenly, Lucas notices a look in Peyton's eyes, as if she herself has been transported back to that time. Looking at her, being so close to her for the first time in months has stirred up feelings inside of him that he'd long ago shut down.

"I don't love her Peyton," at this, Peyton's eyes flicker to meet his, "I've been trying to love her. I had almost convinced myself that I did. I just…"

"You can't do that to her Luke," her voice broke as she tried to say that, and Luke regarded her carefully, wondering what exactly was going on through her mind, "She's been hurt so much, and she really does love you. I…"

"I want to show you something," Lucas stood up and motioned for Peyton to follow. Suddenly, he remembered what he was talking to Nathan about just last year before he found Brooke and Felix kissing, he remembered what he had felt and how worried he had been about losing the most important person in his life, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. Sure, he had called Jake rather than admit his feelings to her, but the fact of the matter was he had thought Jake would be better for Peyton than he was. He thought that would make her happy.

**_They _**were on the roof of café where Peyton remembered not too long ago there had been a miniature golf course created by Lucas and Haley. It had been a neat place, all decorated and screamed that the two of them had been inseparable and the closest of friends. Looking around, there was nothing but bare roof and now it made the place seem so lonely and lost. It was exactly how she felt at that exact moment.

She stood there, regarding Lucas carefully. For some reason, the ghost of her guilty conscious seemed to have stirred more than just guilt for Ellie, but guilt about what she had let happen to her and Lucas. Guilt about forgetting just how much she had loved him and how she had tried to replace him. Tried to replace her whole family with Jake and Jenny. It hadn't been fair to either of them, then again, she didn't even know if Lucas still had any feelings for her anyway. For all she could tell, he had perhaps forgotten all about what had been between them.

At the moment, he was standing in front the wall, counting the bricks until he finally pulled one out. Stepping forward, curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she peered over his shoulder, trying to get a glimpse at what could possibly be hidden inside of there. It was a simple box, but to Peyton it still looked beautiful, riddled with age and secrets she probably couldn't be able to guess.

"Every year," he began to explain, "Haley and I used to come up here and write our predictions for the school year, and then we would come back and see if any of them had come true."

Peyton nodded, she listened intently, watching him carefully. As of yet, she didn't see what this had to do with Brooke or even what any of it had to do with why he had brought her here to show this to her. Slowly, she watched as he sat down and opened the box. He motioned for her to join him, and she did. Their shoulders brushed against each other, and Peyton felt her heart jump once again. For the first time since Jake had driven off on his motorcycle, Peyton felt herself jolt with electricity.

Shuffling with papers, he finally handed her a packet and then carefully stood up, "Read those. They'll explain what I'm trying to say."

He walked away, to the other side of the roof, leaving her to read the papers herself. With shaking hands, Peyton unfolded the first letter slowly, and looked at it, reading Lucas' neat handwriting carefully.

_This year, I will get Peyton Sawyer to notice me_

Her heart skipped a beat, head swirling. This was the year before he had joined the basketball team, the year before she had even known that Lucas Scott existed. Of course, she had known, but only by association. Only that he was the bastard brother of Nathan Scott, the star of the team, son of Dan Scott, prodigy. She picked up the next one, this time if was from last year.

_This year, I will talk to Peyton Sawyer._

There were other predictions on the sheet, but those words jumped out at her. Putting the letters back in the box, Peyton was sure she'd read enough. Confusion overwhelmed her because for some reason, the last thing she expected was for Lucas Scott to remember how things were, the last thing she expected was that Lucas Scott had loved her for longer than she had known. He'd tried to tell her once, but she hadn't listened then.

"Luke…"

"Last year, I told Nathan that I was afraid that I was losing the girl I loved," he cut her off before another word could be said, "That she was slipping away and I hadn't even taken notice. His advice was to go and tell her how I felt."

"Lucas…"

Again, he cut her off, "But instead, I called Jake. I thought it was the right thing to do, I thought that if I could do one right thing by you, it would be to call him up and tell him how much you needed him. Then, I went to Brooke's. I thought I could love her. It was a way to be close to you, a way to make up for mistakes I'd made with her at the beginning of the year. I can't fool myself anymore. I can't pretend I love Brooke when really…"

"Lucas, you can't," this time she got through, speaking loudly and clearly, "I can't. Brooke loves you and I don't want to hurt her again. Hoes over bros."

"If you don't love me, then fine," he said, shaking his head. Peyton noticed how that his whole body was shaking, his blue eyes were clouded and he looked so much like the Lucas Scott she loved. The Lucas Scott who had planted such loving kisses upon her stomach, the boy who had declared that she was the only one for him.

"I…" she couldn't formulate words because she knew that she could never deny the feelings she felt for Lucas to his face. Not with how close they'd grown over the summer. He would see through her lies, he could call her on her bull shit.

"I love you Peyton, I've tried so hard not to because I thought that would be for the best," he stepped towards her, "That's why I stopped going to see you last year. That's why I called Jake. I thought you'd be better with someone else, someone who wasn't as screwed up as I was back then. Tonight, Brooke reminded me of what happened with the three of us and reminded me of the biggest mistake I've ever made, sleeping with Nikki when I was in love with you."

"I'm not going to do this to Brooke again," Peyton said defiantly.

"I'm not asking you to, I'm not with Brooke," there was such sincerity in his eyes, such pain and longing, "I'm not with anyone, but I'm asking to be with you. All I want is for you to give me another chance at loving you. I swear to you Peyton, I won't screw up this time. I love you, I always have. I could've told Brooke that I loved her tonight, but it would've been a lie. It would've been me trying to cover up for what I was really feeling."

_Should you be with Lucas instead of Brooke?_

Peyton had her answer then. Looking into Lucas' eyes, she had the answer to that question that was haunting her. Guilt still rumbled within her for being here instead of trying to find Ellie, but she still couldn't leave. Lucas had drawn her to him, her conscious seemed to be clinging onto a lot and this was one thing that she wanted to settle, wanted to know the answer to.

Now, she had it and she couldn't just ignore it. Her and Lucas weren't "just friend" as she had tried to tell herself. They would never be "just friends," with their history it was impossible and with the feelings they were both obviously feeling for each other, it would never be possible. Yes, she should be with Lucas instead of Brooke. That was the only thing that seemed or even felt right and the feeling was surely mutual from what Lucas had just told her.

"I…" swallowing, she took a breath ready to open herself up just a little, "I love you too Lucas, I always have."

With that, she found her whole body pressed up against his. Their lips were locked in such a passionate kiss that made Peyton question whether she was really right about her love for Jake. Whether it had been love at all. Sure, she knew he was some sort of replacement for Lucas, but she had still felt certain that she had loved him in some way.

The kiss ended, their fingers intertwined and Lucas placed a kiss on her forehead, brushing her hair away from her eyes. He looked at her with such love and it warmed Peyton's heart to feel something so strong again. This time, she knew that she wasn't going to allow herself to lose it again and she knew how much Brooke would hate her for it, but right now that didn't matter to her. For once, she was sure she wasn't just living a lie.

Everything before this moment couldn't have been real because she'd been so buried within her lie that she hadn't been feeling anything at all. All the people she'd pushed away, all the trouble she'd been in, everything that had happened was just a big cosmic joke, some higher power punishing them all because they'd forced themselves to forget the one thing that was real.

**_Laying_** in Lucas's bed in nothing but her bra, Peyton's whole body trembled as she felt his lips on her stomach. Her eyes fluttered closed and she felt herself reconnect with the Peyton from last year with the long curly hair. The bitter Peyton who had felt so scared about losing her dad, that she'd allowed herself to give into her greatest desire, give into the moment with Lucas and just how much she loved him.

As the old Peyton and new Peyton connected with these tummy kisses that still made her feel so whole and complete, she knew that she had managed to find herself once again because somewhere down the road she'd been lost. Being with Lucas, telling him how she truly felt, it wasn't just about making things right or ending a lie that had gone on for so long. It was about being true to herself and finding the Old Peyton that for some time had been hidden deep within a thick fog.

Running her hands down the Lucas's bare back, she opened her eyes and saw something silver shimmer in the light in the corner of her eye. She sat up slightly, and took a closer look. Lucas in turn, pulled away and watched her carefully as she reached out and picked up Ellie's cancer survivor bracelet. The metal felt cold in the palm of her hands, but relief overwhelmed her as she looked up at Lucas.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, trying hard not to sound as if she was blaming him for anything.

"You left it here, that night after Ellie left," he reminded her, "I meant to give it back to you, but…I got caught up."

Peyton remembered that night, she remembered feeling upset and lost and after her podcast Lucas had called and asked her if she wanted to go over. She had and they had talked for a long time before she had fallen asleep and then ran out the next morning before anyone could find out. Before Lucas could wake up.

"I've been so worried about it," Peyton admitted, "Worried about Ellie."

As Lucas moves to sit next to her on the bed, she can't help but give out a light laugh. The two of them had waited to long for this and yet, here she was talking again. Ruining what was about to happen. She wasn't ruining anything though because she knew that Lucas didn't just want her for sex, he loved her and she knew she could open up to him. Even when they had been just seconds away from sex.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, watching her intensely with his blue eyes.

"I have to go find her," she told him, "I have to see her before she dies. I can't just push another person out of my life."

"I'll come with you, if you want me to," Lucas offered already getting to his feet and grabbing his shirt.

"Now?"

"Why not?" he smirked a little, "We could use a roadtrip."

Peyton laughed, remembering how their last one had almost ended. Nodding her head, she herself began to get dressed, but paused before she did. She looked at Lucas and thought of how they'd gotten here tonight and everything that had happened to make this real. Looking down at the bracelet once again, she knew why she had ended up here tonight. She'd searched everywhere for the bracelet but in the one place where she went for comfort, the one place where her heart had always been, with Lucas.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They kissed lightly, and Peyton pulled him back down onto the bed. The road trip could wait until morning. After all, she was pretty sure that after the day, and night, they both had, there was no way they would be able to stay awake. Besides, she didn't want to wake Ellie up, did she? She'd been waiting a long time for this moment, and right now, she didn't want to wait anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**How it Should Be**

**_Waking_** up in the arms of Lucas Scott was something that felt so utterly right to her. With Jake, this feeling had been so different. At the time, it was what felt right to her; it was the one thing that had made her feel whole in the circumstances. In her mind, Jake had been the one to save her from herself, but she knew that it was Lucas who had orchestrated the whole thing in hopes of making her happy. In hopes of giving her someone who was willing to give her what she was afraid of giving her.

As she watched him, Lucas remained asleep. His deep, slow breaths soothed her, and Peyton rested her head against his bare chest. She could hear the beating of his heart, the calmness of everything around her. This was what she had been waiting for, what she had been searching for. Finally being able to have made her feel so whole.

Slowly, she got out of bed and pulled on her clothes, the last thing she put on was Ellie's cancer bracelet. Today, she was going to right another wrong in her life, and she knew that Lucas would be there at her side to help her throughout the entire thing. Just like had been there for her ever since this whole this with Ellie had started. When everyone else had abandoned her, he had been there and that's what mattered to her.

Putting on her shoes, she slipped out her phone from the pocket of her jeans and noticed the messages that had been left on them. All from either Haley or Brooke and guilt rumbled through her stomach again. She couldn't help but feel guilty and selfish for being here with Lucas, for being so happy for once when Brooke was sad and broken. She ran a hand through her blonde hair and took a breath. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to tell Brooke the truth?

"Hey," Lucas roused, sitting up in bed and looking at her with a tired, groggy smile.

"Hey yourself," she couldn't help but smile back, despite all the doubts she was having that this was, in fact the right thing to be doing in this moment.

Happiness was important to her. She'd been struggling and drowning for too long for years, searching for someone to save her. Her art, her room, everything she had ever done was proof of that, and she'd finally found someone who got her, completely. The only problem was that her happiness seemed to cause so many people around her pain. It just didn't seem fair to her.

"Are we doing the right thing Lucas?" she asked, "Being together. I mean, Brooke's my best friend, and I know she loves you. I don't want to lose her."

"I can't lose you again Peyton," Lucas told her, "I love you and I can't not be with you."

Peyton knew that he wasn't lying to her. She knew they had talked about this last night, but she didn't want to be the bitch her subconscious was. Her and Brooke seemed to have managed to move past what had happened last year without any problems, but somehow she didn't think it was going to work out so well this time around. Brooke wouldn't just be able to forgive and forget this same betrayal twice.

**_Her_** room was dark when she entered it. Lucas had told her to meet her at his mother's café in an hour, ready to go on their road trip to find Ellie. If anything, Peyton was going to be there for her and support her through her last days or even months. No matter what, if Ellie died, Peyton wouldn't feel guilty about pushing another person out of her life. She wanted to get to know her mom before it was too late. Especially since it seemed they had so much in common.

Opening the light, she was surprised to find Brooke lying there on her bed, sound asleep. Moving over to her, Peyton sat at the end of the bed and put her hand on her best friend's side. The first thing she notices as Brooke slowly woke up was that her eyes were puffy and red, as if she'd cried herself to sleep the night before. Peyton knew without a doubt that she had too. She'd seen Brooke run off from visiting Lucas, and she couldn't help but feel like a horrible friend for not going after her.

"Hey there pretty girl," she greeted her friend, trying not to let her guild get the better of her.

"He hates me Peyton," Brooke sniffled, sitting up, "He looks at me as if I'm the worst person in the entire world. I just…what am I supposed to do?"

"Lucas doesn't hate you Brooke," Peyton assured her, stroking her friend's hair gently, "He's just really angry right now. You just…need to give him time."

Everything inside of Peyton told her to tell Brooke what had happened last night. To tell her that she'd been at Lucas', tell her about the predictions, and about how Lucas had admitted to being in love with Peyton. Her heart told her that Brooke deserved to know the truth and deserved to hear it straight up this time, but her mind warned her that Brooke was fragile right now. That hearing these things wouldn't help at all.

"Where were you last night?" Brooke asked, "Haley wasn't answering her phone and she never came home…and you weren't here either."

"I was out…" Peyton told her," Brooke…"

She stopped herself before she could say anymore because Brooke was looking up at her, and when she saw the look of complete misery in her best friend's eyes, she knew that she didn't have the heart to be the one to break it to her. At that moment, she knew that by telling her, her friendship with Brooke would be utterly broken.

Before either of the girls could say anymore, Lucas Scott strolled into the room with two coffees in his hand. His hair was still a mess and he'd thrown on the same clothes he'd been wearing the night before. Peyton froze immediately, glancing between her best friend and Lucas.

"Peyton, I thought we could just leave from…" he stopped the minute he saw Brooke sprawled out on Peyton's bed with tear stained eyes.

Brooke looked more miserable by the second, looking at Lucas and trying to catch his eye. The minute she did though, he looked away. Look straight away from her and at Peyton instead. The blonde caught his eye and the two of them stared at each other, silently trying to decide what to make out of the situation. Trying to decide what they were supposed to do about everything.

Through tear clouded eyes, Brooke looked between them. As Peyton broke her gaze with Lucas, she saw realization and the look of betrayal spread across Brooke's face as she quickly got out of bed and more tears started streaming down her face. Tearing her gaze away, Peyton couldn't look at her anymore, feeling worse than she had in such a long time.

"I can't believe you two," Brooke cried, "Standing there, ready to deny anything I'm about to accuse you of. How could you do this to me again Peyton? How could you when you knew how I felt about him?"

"Brooke," Lucas took a step forward.

"Don't," she snapped; "Don't even try to justify yourself. You go around telling me you're the one for me. Telling me that you want to be with me, and then you decide to sleep with my best friend. The night I admit to you that all summer I thought about you and that I love you."

"Brooke, I'm…" Peyton spoke up, finally looking at Brooke again.

"You're not sorry Peyton, otherwise you wouldn't have done it," Brooke spat. Then, she stormed out of the room, but not before pausing a second to look back at them, "I hope the two of you are happy together. I hate you both."

**_Sitting_** in his car, Lucas glanced at Peyton from time to time wondering what was going through her mind. They had left after Brooke's outburst at discovering the two of them together. Peyton still had to find her mother, and Lucas had to think of a way to explain to Brooke everything that had happened. It was going to be hard because she hated them now; she even refused to answer the phone to either of them anymore.

"Is this really worth it?" Peyton wondered, "Is being together really worth losing our friendship with Brooke?"

"Peyton…"

"I love you Lucas, but I just did the exact thing I promised Brooke I would never do again," she sighed, tearing her gaze away from the window to look at him, "I let a guy come between us again, and not just any guy but you. She hates me."

"She'll come around," Lucas assured her.

"No, she won't," she shook her head, "You're the first boy she's been in love with."

"Don't worry Peyton," reaching out, he brushed some of her blonde hair out of her face, "Everything will be okay. I promise."

He wasn't sure if he was promising something completely impossible, but Lucas couldn't help but try and make her feel better. He hated that now that they were finally together, now that they had put aside all their fears and were together that she was having doubts about this being right or not. Maybe they had picked the worse time to get together. Maybe had chosen the more horrible time to admit to her that she was the only girl for him, but he had needed her to know.

Now, they had to deal with the obstacles that came with this admission. He was ready for it though, if it meant being with Peyton he would face everything head on because this was everything he had wanted for as long as he could remember. No one got him like Peyton did. No one could match up to how he saw Peyton and how much he cared for her. He knew that things would be simpler for all of them if had told Brooke he loved her and had just been with her, but right now Lucas didn't want to lie anymore. When he had seen Brooke in bed with Chris Keller, he realized that he wasn't the least bit jealous. Yes, he was angry with her, but he didn't care as much as he should have.

**_Tears_** streamed down Peyton's cheeks as she sat in the hospital and cried into her hands. She couldn't understand how things had gotten this bad. A night ago, she'd been so happy. She'd been able to push all her worries and fears and guilt out of her mind, and now they had all come flooding back to her.

They'd gotten to the hospital. They'd found Ellie, but it had been too late. She was gone, the cancer had been so much worse than anyone had anticipated, and her health had declined fast. None of the medications or treatment had been working anymore, and the minute Peyton had walked into the room and saw Ellie she felt such enormous guilt and sadness.

The good-byes had been too fast and Peyton knew she'd lost another person. Someone else had left her and was never going to come back. This kept happening to her, and Goth Peyton's words kept floating back into her mind. It was her fault, she kept pushing people away. She had pushed Ellie away, and look what happened.

Inadvertently, she'd also pushed Brooke away too. She knew what would happen by being with Lucas again, and she'd gone ahead to do it anyway. Her mind had reminded her again and again about what had happened the last time, and she'd gone ahead and done it anyway. Was she really such a horrible person?

After a moment, she felt an arm wrap around her shoulder, and she was reminded that for the first time in a long time, she wasn't alone. Today, she had a shoulder to cry on, someone who was there to hold on to her and make sure she didn't fall off the edge. She loved Lucas even more for it, for just sitting next to her without a word as she cried. He wasn't trying to sugarcoat anything right now as he had in the car, this was real and he was just there to support her.

"Do you want to go home?" he whispered into her ear.

Silently, she nodded and took his hand. He led her out of the hospital, out of the place she hated more than anything in the world. A hospital had taken he mothers away, had almost taken Lucas and Nathan away, would one day take away everyone she cared about. Today though, she had someone standing next to her, holding her together because she couldn't do it herself. For that, she would be eternally grateful.

**_Tree_** Hill seemed lonely and desolate as they returned. The entire drive home, Lucas had held her hand and not said a word. They hadn't needed to say a word in order to express how they felt. The guilt was still there and Peyton knew it would always be there, but she also knew that the doubt was gone. She wasn't going push someone else away; she wasn't going to use all of this as an excuse to push Lucas away anymore.

They were just going to have to deal with what had been dealt to them. Of course, they would have to face Brooke, they would have to deal with the pain they had caused her, but eventually she would come around. It would take time and a lot of healing, but that's all they could expect. All they could hope for was that someday she would be able to forgive them for what happened.

"Hey Luke, want to go get some coffee?" she wondered, "And talk."

"Sure," Lucas looked at her and smiled lightly.

"Cool," she nodded her head and then looked back out the window.

They could be a couple. They could work out any of the issues they had had in the past. They could face any obstacles that were thrown at them because when she was around Lucas, she felt stronger. She wasn't weak or alone or depressed. Lucas wasn't going to leave her, he'd always been there for her and she hadn't even known it. No matter what, things _would_ be okay as long as she never let doubt cloud her vision…

Because there was no doubt in her mind, that this is how this were meant to be.

**FIN.**


End file.
